Feeling perpetually Hungover without the fun of drinking

It’s been a minute since I last wrote according to the blog tracker thing, I hope everyone who reads this blog is well. I am a little over 2 weeks post op from my last surgery and have been having the BEST time (note the sarcasm) trying to figure out if my headaches are positional or not. For all the ups, downs, sideways questions- I have no pattern. I can tell you this: I feel hungover after every night’s rest. Remember when you were newly 21 and you’d go out and get trashed? Maybe some of you didn’t, but I did. Not caring about the consequences of the body aches, dehydrated feeling, the spins that would inevitably follow after a night of drinking. I guess I could say that I did that to myself so I knew there would be a price to pay; however, I can say that these days- I’m 100% sober- and I still wake up tentatively with that feeling of having just been through a rager and not knowing how I’ll feel when I wake up in the morning. Opening my eyes everso slightly in the morning and there is always that question- “How awful am I going to feel?” No matter what my headache decides to do, I’m ready with a glass of water and pain meds to combat the aches, dehydration (which I assume is internal from the shunt draining too much), and pulsating sensation from the pain deep within my brain.

Funny thing is, I don’t miss alcohol at all or my 20s but I miss the explanation for the hangover. Because this constant hangover of my 30s isn’t a reminder of living or fun but is a reminder of not living at all. Here’s to hoping for a better tomorrow:)

P.S. Sorry if the message is a bummer, but I promise that if you stick with reading my blog, things will get better. Chronic illness is a bumpy ride but we all are all warriors and the light will shine again so because it has to.